Little Green Men My Eema
by Cell
Summary: How will Crichton react to picking up explorers from Earth, who are just as lost as he is?
1. Okay, maybe some are green...

Disclaimer: I don't own Farscape, but I DO own a Butterfinger.  
  
Notes: This is my first Farscape fic so bear with me. This fic is set right after "I Shrink Therefore I Am", so expect at least some spoilers. Most of the story will be centered around the crew of the Farscape II and not the crew of Moya, though I will do some scenes exclusively with Moya's crew. As a warning, their might be some small talk (pointless dialogue) throughout.  
  
______________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Just when Commander Nakoto Ibushi thought her dreams were coming true, they were thrown to the ground and stomped on, then flushed down a toilet. So far, the whole experiment had been going perfectly. Every reading had been green...... until a piece of the mechanics failed on the shuttle which caused it to veer sharply to the left. They had planned to appear at the exact spot that Commander Crichton was believed to have reappeared to after exiting the wormhole, but that wasn't going to happen now!  
  
Commander Ibushi looked at the readings in shock. Not only did the wormhole take them to no where near their intended destination, but they had also emerged just off the the starboard side of another ship!  
  
The ship was reddish brown and large. It looked to be easily five times larger than the international space station and seemed to be glowing in some areas. If it wasn't for the symmetrical design it could have been easily mistaken for an asteroid.  
  
The waif-like woman looked back at her fellow crewmates for confirmation. Based on the shocked expressions on their faces it was safe to say that their instruments confirmed what they saw out of the side viewport.  
  
Technician Craig Worthington found his voice first. "What should we do now?" The man looked afraid and giddy all at once.  
  
Pedro let out an unintelligible series of sounds that broke the crew out of their stupor. Sub-Commander Gibbs looked at each of them before replying. "We should try to contact them."  
  
Ibushi replied without hesitation. "Of course! Craig set up a signal. We want to..."  
  
She never got to finish her sentence because the ship suddenly rocked with an impact. Ibushi yelled out, "What hit us?"  
  
Med-tech Ishaq Patel spoke up for the first time since exiting the wormhole, "Um...guys."  
  
"What is it Ishaq," replied Gibbs.  
  
He looked a little nervous as he pointed to the window. "You should see for yourself."  
  
The whole crew, excluding Pedro the chimp, rushed over to the side viewport. They each held their breaths as the the ship appeared to be getting closer to their shuttle!  
  
Nakoto decided to ask the question that they were all afraid of thinking about. "What if they aren't friendly. We have no weapons."  
  
Craig looked at them all and said, "Let's just wing it."  
  
Ibushi looked at the rest if them and nodded. "It is settled then. Stay on your best behaviour people."  
  
"Yes Mom," replied the rest of the crew, minus Pedro of course.  
  
They were inside of the docking bay in short order and they tried to prepare for anything.  
  
_______________________________________________________  
  
Ka D'Argo was staring at the readings on the display thoroughly. He wanted no repeat of the invasion that occured only a weeken ago. He planned on making what the Coreeshi accomplished a one-time thing. It was his responsiblity to ensure the safety of the crew.  
  
When he scanned over a region of space just off the side of Moya he did a double take.  
  
He turned to Sikozu who was looking over repairs and motioned her over. She rolled her eyes and made her way to her reluctant crewmate. "What is it this time, Luxan?"  
  
She has the innate ability to make anyone she is around with on Moya want to throw her out of an airlock, besides Scorpius. D'Argo shuddered at the thought.  
  
He bit back a hiss and replied, "It looks like a wormhole just opened. Crichton might want to check it out before it dissappears. Go wake him up."  
  
She looked incredulous. "Why should I have to go wake him up?"  
  
This time he did hiss. "Because you're not doing anything really that important right now besides lokking over repairs that Pilot already completed. Also because I said so!"  
  
Sikozu growled as she made her way out of command. D'Argo turned back to the sensor readings and looked on in shock as a small, primitive, poor excuse for a space-faring vessel escaped out of the mouth. It happened to be the same configuration as Crichton's module.  
  
He tapped his comm and addressed the crew as a whole. "There is a ship similar to Crichton's module that just appeared out of a wormhole a few metras away. Should I bring it aboard?"  
  
It was Aeryn who replied, "Use the docking web to take it into docking bay two. Chiana and I are already on our way there."  
  
"What if it's a trap?" D'Argo just wanted to go one monen without any attacks or anything out of the ordinary for once.  
  
He could hear Aeryn sigh before answering, "I feel the same way. But what if it isn't?"  
  
D'Argo complied and initiated the docking web. This could easily be a trap but John it seems too convient. After the web brought in the ship he rushed down to Moya's second docking bay.  
  
150 microts later  
  
Aeryn, Chiana, and D'Argo waited patiently for the occupants of the ship to exit. They were each armed and had a small army of DRDs located at the only exit of the pitiful craft.  
  
"The ships a lot bigger than Crichtons. It must have more people in it than his had." Chiana had her head cocked at an angle as she took in the craft.  
  
D'Argo nodded. "John should be here any minute now with Sikozu. I still feel that this is a trap."  
  
Aeryn looked at the symbol that signified the part of Erp that John was from. She didn't recognize the other three symbols.  
  
"We should send a DRD to open up their hatch. They don't seem to be willing to come out anytime soon." Just as soon as the words left her mouth the door slowly came open.  
  
From it came five beings, humans she reminded herself. They all didn't initially recognize the three of them standing their waiting for them.  
  
Each looked different in their own way to what she thought humans would look like. One black-haired female, whom she assumed was the commander because the rest seemed to follow her lead, was smaller than Chiana with skin not quite so pale. She was close though. Her symbol, a flag she recalled, was a simple white rectangle with a large red dot in the middle.  
  
The next one was suprisingly just as large as D'Argo. He had the same flag that Crichton had on his uniform, but he looked nothing like Crichton. He had short curly black hair and light brown skin. He looked to be the oldest, thought none of them looked that old anyway. He had an air of curiousity greater than the female.  
  
The next one out had the same skin tone of the previous human, only his hair was short and almost spiky. His flag was three thick lines of orange, white, and green with a small blue symbol in the middle. His build looked like the medium between the two previous humans, if they really are humans. He had on a strange wire structure around his eyes that held a piece of transparent material each over one of his eyes. She found that really odd.  
  
The last human that came out would look very similar to Crichton if it wasn't for his bright red hair. He also was much thinner than Crichton as well. His symbol was a white flag with two red lines going vertically and horizontally acros the center. He also happened to be holding the hand of a much smaller human with lots of hair. It seemed to not be able to walk so well and made small noises occasionally.  
  
I desperately hope that is not what human offspring look like. Aeryn was still not sure if the child was John's, but she was hopeful.  
  
Just when the female looked to the side and finally noticed us, she screamed.  
  
________________________________________________________  
  
Commander Nakoto Ibushi had never dreamed that on her first mission she would not only see an alien ship, but also get to meet real aliens! She could barely contain her excitement. She looked around the interior of the ship and noticed that it looked like nothing she had ever seen before. Everything had strange curves and even looked alive. Along the ground she could see a few small little yellow beetle-like machines scurrying along the ground. They were much bigger than beetles, though.  
  
She looked around a bit more than turned her head to the left, which for some reason she nor the other of her crewmates thought to do when they stepped off, and screamed.  
  
Standing before her were three aliens. Or two. One of them looked so similar to a human that she couldn't tell if she was alien or not. The other two were a completely different story.  
  
The best way to describe the seemingly female alien was that she was PALE! Even her hair looked bleached. She also noticed the the female was wearing clothing that left nothing to the imagination.  
  
The other was best described as big. It looked to be even bigger than Gibbs. He, she assumed it was a 'he', was hairy and had tentacles running down from it's head. To her dismay, they each carried some sort of weapon.  
  
She held up her hands and looked back at her crewmates. They each had followed her lead with wide eyes that never left the aliens.  
  
Nakoto decided to speak first in the seemingly vain hope that they could understand. "Hello. We are from a planet we call Earth. We are just explorers and are unarmed. We are also looking for a man named John Crichton." Nakoto had mixed feelings when each of the beings stiffened when she mentioned the astronauts name.  
  
She decided to pursue for an answer. "Do you know where he is? We were sent to find him and bring him back with us."  
  
The large one with the tentacles answered back with a series of gutteral sounds she assumed were his language.  
  
Nakoto shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can't understand y..."  
  
She was interrupted when the big one seemed to get frustrated and ordered one of the little beetles towards her. Nakoto's feet were stationary because she was too shocked by what was happening. The next thing you know it stabbed her in the ankle with a needle. She got angry at the little thing and kicked it across a few feet.  
  
She turned her head when each of her crewmates performed a sharp intake of breath. Gibbs slowly shook his head at her. His expression transformed as he was also stabbed in the foot along with Patel, Worthington, and.....Pedro?  
  
Nakoto looked back at the aliens. The big one spoke again with a sigh. "Can you understand us now?"  
  
She almost shit herself right there. "Y-y-yes." Those things gave us translators?  
  
"Are you the commanding officer?"  
  
"Yes," she replied with her heart beating a mile a minute.  
  
"Why are you here?" He seemed to have very little patience. He was also slowly lowering his blade.  
  
This did not go unnoticed by the human crew, "We told you before. We are humans from Earth. We mean no harm."  
  
"You say you're humans?" He was now holding the blade like a shotgun.  
  
Nakoto looked back at her crewmates for advice. They had none. How have they heard of our species?  
  
"Yes. We are looking for a member of our species that was lost some time ago. His name is John Crichton."  
  
I took out a picture from my pocket and showed it to them, "He looks like this." Nakoto observed recognition in each of their eyes. At least she thought it was recognition. They are aliens after all.  
  
The pale white one walked up and took it from his hand. She looked at it and turned to the other two. "Yep. It's him."  
  
We all got excited. "So do you think that you could help us?"  
  
The big one spoke again. He looked at us critically. "If you are really human, tell us, who is Lou Costello?"  
  
__________________________________________________________  
  
John Crichton woke up to Sikozu's vigorous shaking and D'Argo's yelling over the comm. At least I got few arns, hours, whatever. He got up and threw Sikozu a half-heartened good morning. She just looked more annoyed than anything with his small showing of politeness. She was waiting for him to get ready, but he noticed her eyes lingered on his bare chest.  
  
John's cheeks turned a few shades of red before he decided on action. He got up out of his bed and threw on a shirt. He almost forgot about D'Argo on his comm badge. "Crichton! Get your eema own to docking bay two, right NOW!"  
  
He rubbed the bridge of his nose and answered, "Whoa, D! I'm up. I'm up."  
  
"Good, then get down to docking bay two right now!"  
  
John looked to Sikozu who just shrugged in answer. "What's going on? Trouble?"  
  
"Maybe. There are some people here claiming to be humans. I say we throw them out the nearest airlock."  
  
John was still in shock from D'Argo's first sentence. "Your kidding right?"  
  
"No John I'm not kidding! There are five them. They're unarmed, but I still say they should be thrown out the nearest airlock."  
  
"Why!?!" John didn't know if he should be excited or suspicious.  
  
"They don't even know who Lou Costello is!"  
  
The lost astronaut cracked a huge grin. "D! Not everyone's seen Abbott and Costello."  
  
There was silence on the other end. "Oh...." Crichton chuckled as he and Sikozu made their way to the docking bay.  
  
As they walked through the hallways they passed Scorpius' cell. At least Crichton made it past the half-breed's cell. Sikozu had stopped to chat apparently.  
  
"Scorpius, are you awake?" The cell was too dark to see anything beyond a dark shape shuffling around. His black coolant suit didn't help matters much. His face eventually emerged from the darkness with a chilling smile in place.  
  
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"  
  
Sikozu smiled back coyly. "Apparently a group of Crichton's species have been brought aboard. I think they came out of a wormhole that D'Argo discovered. They may have even created the wormhole on their own."  
  
Scorpius showed genuine suprise, "You do not say."  
  
Her smile grew, "I do say."  
  
"I wish to meet them." He appeared thoughtful, though, he always looks thoughtful.  
  
She opened the cell door, "Well me and Crichton were on our way to the docking bay when I stopped by. I'm sure he won't mind."  
  
His smile grew lecherous, "I'm sure he will not."  
  
________________________________________________________  
  
We had already established that the aliens had at least met Commander Crichton. We couldn't believe our luck. We completed one of our primary objectives and were on the right track of finishing their secondary objective in only ten minutes! At this rate we will have video footage and samples to take back with us by the end of the day!  
  
Maurice Gibbs decided to engage the little grey girl in a conversation. She seemed to intriuge him and looked the least intimidating. "So, he's on this ship?"  
  
She tilted her head at a funny angle. "Yeah. You guys are really lucky." She seemed out of breath, but it could just be normal for her.  
  
"No kidding." He looked around and gestured towards the ship. "She's a beauty."  
  
She and the rest of the aliens turned suspicious again. "How did you know that the ship is a she?"  
  
The humans shared a collective look of confusion. I asked, "Are you trying to say...that this ship is alive?"  
  
The one that looked human with the black hair replied with narrowed eyes, "Yes, she is."  
  
Craig Worthington took it upon himself to come into the defense of his crewmate. "We're sorry. You see we humans automatically refer to any type of vehicle as a female for some reason. Gibbs meant nothing by it."  
  
This seemed to have the greatest impact on the human-looking alien. "I recall Crichton always refering to his module as a female as well." The other two aliens nodded.  
  
Ishaq, though normally quiet and reserved, let his curiousity get the better of him. "Do you speak to him on a regular basis? Is he a prisoner? Is he physically well?"  
  
She almost smiled at his curiousity. Almost. "Yes, no, and yes."  
  
"I'm guessing that you're not human, either." He winced and dropped Pedro's hand from his hold when she looked insulted by the question.  
  
The big one with the tentacles growled than said, "Now we ask you some questions!"  
  
I looked at the Luxan with a slight frown. Two words: Anger management.  
  
Just as he said that John Crichton strolled into the docking bay. We forgot about the large tentacled one and concentrated on the person we were sent to bring back home dead or alive, preferably alive.  
  
I decided to greet him first. I am the mission commander after all. "Good to meet you. I'm Commander Nakoto Ibushi from Japan. The man behind me is my Sub-Commander Maurice Gibbs from the US. This is Technician Craig Worthington from the UK, and last but not least Doctor Ishaq Patel from India."  
  
Crichton smiled at me but immediately became serious. "Who are you?"  
  
We were once again confused and caught off guard. "What do you mean," asked Ibushi.  
  
He had an eeiry glint in his eye. "I mean who do you work for, High Command, the Scarrans, the Nebari. Some other crazy group that I never heard of that want's my head on a platter."  
  
I looked back at my crewmates and each in turn gave me a wide-eyed shrug in return. They were just as confused as I was. I looked back at Commander Crichton with pleading in my eyes. "Commander Crichton, we insist that you believe us. We have no idea what has happened to you during your time gone, but we assure you that we speak the truth."  
  
"You know, Crichton. We could just perform a DNA test to see if they are telling the truth. It doesn't matter who they are they can't change their DNA." It was the human-looking one again.  
  
He gave her a look. "You never know Aeryn. After what we've seen?"  
  
"But it is better than just throwing accusations at them. I believe that they are telling the truth." The gray one agreed. The big hairy one made no comment.  
  
He thought it over for a few seconds, than conceded. "Alright. I give." He pointed to us. "Any funny stuff and your out an airlock."  
  
After brief introductions we were led wide-eyed through the hallways towards some type of medical facility. We didn't make it far, however, before running into two more aliens. One was a beautiful red-haired female that almost looked human, if it wasn't for the strange silver tint of her skin. The other one was a different story.  
  
Gibbs said it best with, "Freddie Krueger in bondage." The aliens looked back at him puzzled, then shared a look.  
  
Crichton laughed. I hit Gibbs in the arm lightly while trying to hold back a smile. The rest of the crew choked back their laughter when they noticed 'Freddie' was giving us his undivided unattention.  
  
"John, it is interesting to see more members of your species. They are not quite what I expected." He was the scariest of the aliens, or were we the aliens?  
  
Crichton's smile vanished as soon as 'Freddie' spoke. "Scorpy, what are you doing out of your cell?"  
  
Scorpy looked incredulous, "John, you know that thing cannot hold me."  
  
The big one, D'Argo, spoke up, "Well we just don't want you running around the ship."  
  
"I merely wanted to greet the newcomers." You could cut the tension in the room with a knife.  
  
Crichton seemed to twitch before speaking, "Well you've seen them, so go back in your cell." I am beginning to think that he commands this ship. The other aliens seem to follow him.  
  
Scorpy put on a smile, or smirk, whatever. One way or another it looked creepy. "Is this how you thank those that help save your friends."  
  
"It's your fault that they needed to be saved in the first place." This was starting to get interesting, but we don't want to stick around should it get violent.  
  
"How so?" The way Scorpy speaks is very educated and refined. It's annoying.  
  
The red-head he was standing with gave Crichton a haughty look. I can already tell I won't like her. "I don't know why you treat him like this. All he has done is help us since we came aboard. You could at least show him some gratitude." It seems that alien life is not as enlightened and peace-loving as we had hoped.  
  
The grey one, Chiana, looked angry. "Shut up you little trelk! For all we know you could be working for him!" What's a trelk?  
  
I noticed Gibbs unconciously grabbing my hand. I don't mind. I was getting a little scared for our safety.  
  
"Sputnik, no one asked you." Sputnik? That can't be her real name. Crichton then looked back at Scorpy. "Could you please, just, go back in your cell?"  
  
Scorpy's smirk never left his face. "If you say so John." With that, he turned on his heel and left in the opposite direction.  
  
Crichton than looked to Chiana, "Pip, could you make sure he doesn't get lost along the way?"  
  
"Sure Crichton." Interesting. Is he in command of this ship?  
  
The peculiar grey girl rushed after him around a bend in the corridor. Sputnik started to go after them but was stopped by Commander Crichton. "Whoa! Sikozu, we need you to do something for us."  
  
"Why should I help you with anything?" For some reason, she and everyone besides D'Argo speaks with a Australian accent, most likely from the translators they gave us. Her accent happens to be heavier than most. It was as annoying on her as it is with Scorpy.  
  
"Because we could just space you, which by the way Chiana's been itching to do since you came aboard." If Crichton isn't in command, he at the very least has their respect.  
  
She conceded without word and we made our way to a room that looked like an apothecary. The obnoxious red-head took blood samples from each of us including Pedro and Crichton. I was puzzled by this. I looked at him.  
  
"Why are you taking samples from Pedro? You know he isn't human." The aliens seemed suprised by this. I thought that it was obvious.  
  
The one that looks like us, Aeryn, asked, "He is not your offspring?" We all share a look. Patel kept giving D'Argo nervous glances.  
  
Crichton frowned. "Aeryn, he's a chimp. Their genetic cousins to us, but not human. And to answer your question," he said as he turned to me, "we are just making sure that you are what you say you are, including 'Pedro'."  
  
"Why do you have such trouble believing that we are who we say we are. We have done nothing to harm you or this ship since coming aboard."  
  
He ran his hand along his face and sighed. "I really want to believe you. I really do. But I just want to make sure it is not some trick."  
  
Worthington spoke up. "Why would you think that we would try to trick you?"  
  
"Let's just say that E.T. isn't always that friendly. I been given nothing but grief since I came here." We all looked at each other again. We were wondering what could make a man so paranoid.  
  
Sikozu tapped Commander Crichton to get his attention. "I ran the tests and it appears that they are who they say they are. Can I please leave now?" D'Argo waved her out. She gave us all an unreadable look before leaving.  
  
Crichton visibly relaxed. After looking up in the air and giving a silent prayer he held out his hand to us and said, "Welcome to Moya."  
  
We each shook his hand and smiled. The two aliens Aeryn and D'Argo looked impassive.  
  
Crichton appeared to think for a second than looked to me and asked, "You got any chocolate?"  
  
_______________________________________________________  
  
  
  
"No." I, Maurice Gibbs, have heard it all.  
  
"No what?"  
  
"You're lying. You got to be. It sounds like bad sci-fi." He looks sincere, but he could just be a good liar.  
  
"What!? I swear to God."  
  
"Don't swear to God unless you're telling the truth." Or if you're Atheist.  
  
"That's exactly the point that I'm trying to make."  
  
"But, how could you just switch bodies from a blast of energy?" Like he has any idea.  
  
"Like I have any idea. We just did."  
  
I throw up my hands and turn away. "Now I've heard it all."  
  
Crichton looked at me humorously when I turned back. "You haven't even heard the half of it."  
  
Me, my crew, and the various aliens were presently in a command room chatting about Crichton's exploits. We managed to meet a couple more aliens in the process. One, who is obviously old, made me a little nervous. I tried to get as far away from her as possible when we got into our little group. She smelled like rotten cheesesteaks.  
  
Chiana, the little gray girl, well I think she's a girl, currently was flirting with Worthington. Lucky bastard.....if she's actually female. You never know.  
  
Crichton decided to start up another conversation. "I told you some of my story. Now you tell me how you discovered wormholes."  
  
I turned to Nakoto but she just gestured for me to go. I looked back at Crichton, who was savoring every last bit of his Butterfinger. He already had two but he didn't seem to care that I don't have that many candy bars left. I can see that he misses the stuff.  
  
"Ever since you seemingly dissappeared out of existence on the launch of the first Farscape, every astrophysicist in the world worked hard to determine what exactly happened to you. When they finally found out what happened, the Farscape II was already completed and the crew already chosen. Nobody could believe that you had inadvertently created a wormhole."  
  
He stiffened with my last word. I wondered at the reaction but decided to continue and ask him about it later.  
  
"IASA waited until conditions were perfect to perform the same maneuver that you did. We discovered that solar flares played a huge part in the creation of the wormhole. It was actually its power source."  
  
He nodded like he already knew. I wonder how much he knows about the anomalies.  
  
"Because of this, IASA had to be on constant watch to confirm the exact same conditions that created the wormhole. Things looked good a few times but we had to reschedule because of rain."  
  
"Rain!" Aeryn, the alien that could easily pass for human, said while looking wistful. She looked like some actress I've seen before, but I can't remember where though. Come to think of it I could have sworn I'd seen some actor that looked exactly like Crichton too. They say everyone has a twin somewhere. Who would have guessed it could span galaxies?  
  
Craig, who managed to get his attention away from Chiana, spoke up, "I'm guessing you like the stuff."  
  
She smiled at some memory, "It is....wonderous." I think she likes it a little too much.  
  
I ask, "Are you a farmer?" It was the only tangible reason anyone could like it as much as she did, as far as I'm concerned.  
  
She almost looked insulted, "No! I just encountered it once before. It was something I had never experienced before."  
  
Craig looked at her funny, "You know, it's not that great." This time Aeryn did look insulted. I'm a little concerned for his safety, because she looks like the female version of Rambo. Plus I noticed that her hand never stayed far from her gun.  
  
My good friend Craig noticed as well. "Don't get me wrong! A little drizzle...," he noticed her puzzled look, "Drizzle is when rain comes down softly. Anyway, some drizzle isn't so bad, but when it starts raining buckets..."  
  
"Cats and dogs," I add in. All of the aliens look at me strangely, then pass each other a knowing glance.  
  
"...yeah. Plus, sometimes you throw in lightning...," he was interrupted again, this time by Chiana.  
  
"What's lightning?" She was still leaning up against him, which he didn't seem to mind. Not that I blame him.  
  
"Big bolts of electricity that make a lot of noise and can kill," he said then watched as their eyes widen.  
  
"Don't worry. It only kills rarely if it manages to hit a person or animal at all. It's more the loud noise, thunder, that comes with it that everyone's afraid of." He gets more strange looks.  
  
"Why would you be more scared of this thunder than the actual lightning?" That was D'Argo. Though he seemed to be in the conversation, I could see him look daggers at Worthington. It's time for him to bail.  
  
Patel answered for Craig, who's attention was...elswhere, "Like he said before, the chances of actually being hit are so unlikely that most people are not concerned. Even if we get do hit, there's a good chance we'll survive if we get immediate medical attention. It's normally children that are afraid of the thunder. The noise is deafening." He looked at Aeryn. "Don't you get rain on the planet you're from?"  
  
She stiffened, so I'm guessing it's a touchy subject. "I was born on a ship. Whenever I went down to various planets, there was never anything like it." We accepted this because of the look of warning Crichton gave us.  
  
When all of the aliens, especially Aeryn, were done inquiring about water falling from the sky, I decided to finish my story.  
  
"The Farscape II of course, is much larger than the original but it was assured that the size of the shuttle would play very little in affecting the outcome of the experiment. It's equiped with the best sensor equipment and the fastest engines. It could actually go four times faster than anything we had before.  
  
"The crew was decided to be completely multiethnic so the human race as a whole would be represented in the case of first contact. At the time, however, the thought of first contact seemed highly unlikely." Crichton snorts. "Pedro the chimp, who might not look like much is trained to fly the ship to the nearest habitable world should the crew become incapacitated. Think of him as last resort."  
  
Crichton nodded. I ease back in my chair and listen as Nakoto tries to start up a conversation with D'Argo. I laugh when I hear her voice. She sounded like a munchkin!  
  
"Rygel! Stop fumigating the joint," Crichton tells the small.....thing. He is like what most people think of aliens. He's little and green, but I don't know about the 'man' part. He's more like a frog. We were introduced to him when we entered their command room. Apparently, he's some sort of king.  
  
"He farts helium?" That was Ishaq. He looked a cross between disgusted and curious. At hearing his squeaky voice, I laugh again.  
  
Crichton looks at him smiling, "I was just as suprised as you when I found out."  
  
Ishaq still had that funny look on his face, "I doubt it."  
  
"Hey at least you have familiar faces with you. I was all alone at the time." He's got a point.  
  
Crichton looks at us with desperation and seriousness I've never seen before. "You people know how to create wormholes, right?" We all knew where he was going with this but we just nod anyway.  
  
"So, I'm assuming that you know how to get back." You should never make assumptions, you're usually wrong half of the time. This is one of those times.  
  
Crichton's shoulders slowly slump and his face took on a defeated look. Apparently, he knows this also. I think that the looks on our faces were a dead giveaway.  
  
Nakoto decided to break the news. "We would know how the get back if we knew where our planet was."  
  
He gave us a questioning frown. "You just performed this experiment without any thought on how to get back!"  
  
Nakoto spoke up for us again, "You don't understand. We would know the location of Earth, but there was a problem with one of the rudders which caused us to veer of course. We ended up still creating the wormhole, but we didn't end up where we expected to."  
  
"So basically, you're lost in space. Join the club!" Crichton gave us a laugh. We were not as amused as he was.  
  
to be continued......eventually 


	2. It's time for some professional help!

Disclaimer: I don't own Farscape, but the store doesn't sell Hershey bars.  
  
Notes: Last chapter I wrote most of the story through the astronaut's perspective. In this one I made some of it through the eyes of Moya's crew for a change of pace. Expect some references to past episodes. So, if you haven't seen them all you might be confused by some of the dialouge. Also, though I do have a couple plans for the ending of this fic, just think of this as sort of a character study for the time being. I also won't automtically tell you who's perspective I typed in, you'll be able to figure it out. This a lot shorter than I had originally intended. I promise the next will be larger.  
  
_________________________________________________  
  
  
  
As unbelievable as this is going to sound, those frelling humans are more annoying and farhbot than Crichton! We make a stop at one little commerce planet and they act like they've grown an extra pair of mivonks! All day I've had to put up with the little pale ass bitch asking me questions. "What species is that? Is this rare? How can it do that? How is that possible? Where are it's eyes? What's this? Are there more like it? I can't believe the sky is green! What color is the sky on your planet?" It's unbelievable that D'Argo paired me up with this poor deficient. I am the Dominar of over six hundred billion subjects!  
  
If this frelling human wasn't asking some stupid question, she was speaking about things that made no sense. This... Nakoto... kept mentioning never seeing one thing or another in star wars. That is pure farhbot! We all know humans have never established contact with other species before. How do humans manage to communicate with each other without confusing themselves?  
  
Must she also drag along that little chimp? All it does is annoy me to no end! It walked too slowly, had no discernable language, and was even more deficient than humans! How either of the two species managed to keep themselves from getting killed is beyond me!  
  
When she drops a device she was looking at on the ground something in me snaps, "You frelling human! That is the second time you managed to break something in an arn!"  
  
She looked scared, good. "I-I'm sorry. I won't touch anything else."  
  
"See that you don't! You're lucky you don't look that much like an average Sebaccean. The inhabitants of this planet would have gutted you in a microt!" I paid off the shopkeeper and we headed farther down the street.  
  
Nakoto had that curious look on her face, "Isn't Aeryn Sebaccean?"  
  
Where's she going with this? "Of course. Why?"  
  
"Then why would the inhabitants hate her species?"  
  
"Because all Peacekeepers are Sebaccean." We stop at a shop specializing in Hynerian delicacies.  
  
"Oh, so that's why you left Craig on the ship. He didn't even seem to mind. I thought that was a little odd," she said.  
  
"Of course. Come to think of it, we should be heading back to the transport pod soon. Crichton and the others should be there already." At that they started back towards the pod. Along the way, we saw an outdoor resturant, which is something no sane Hynerian can ignore.  
  
"I'm sure Crichton won't mind if we only stop for a few hundred microts to get something to eat," I said which the scientist readily agreed to. Finally someone who understands the importance of food consumption!  
  
"I haven't eaten since we got here... I mean since the five of us came through the wormhole. It's been two days and I was too preoccupied to think about getting some rations. I could use a bite to eat."  
  
I give her a look that I hope came across as 'Your farhbot!', "Could you please explain as how it is possible to eat a bite?"  
  
She looked suprised, "Oh! It's just an expression."  
  
We order our food and wait for it to be prepared. I decide to ask the question that has plagued me ever since I met Crichton, "Are all of your species farhbot?"  
  
Nakoto gave me a puzzled look, "What's 'farhbot'?"  
  
I ignore her idiotic question, "How do you humans manage to understand each other? From what I learned from that 'Gibbs', there are hundreds of expressions in each the hundreds of languages that are on your planet. How do you manage to communicate without confusing each other?"  
  
She put a finger to her lip and looked up, "I never really thought of that before," no kidding, "I guess it's when we hear an expression we've never heard before all we do is ask them what it means."  
  
I frowned, "Well, why use the different expressions at all. Why don't you speak properly instead of butchering your own language!"  
  
She shrugged, "It's just easier to speak that way, I don't know."  
  
"Ludicrous! From this moment on, you will speak properly! Understand!" She jumped at my tone, good.  
  
____________________________________________________________  
  
"Wait a second...." I roll my eyes as I once again get interrupted by Sikozu. She was the only alien with us at the dinner table. Apparently, the others couldn't stand us anymore. It's not my fault they can't understand me... wait, yes it is.  
  
"What is a second?" Will she ever shut up?  
  
Crichton comes to the rescue with, "It's just the Earth version of a microt," he turns to me again, "What were you about to say?"  
  
"Alright, so let me get this straight. You're considered the weakest being besides Rygel and Chiana, and the most deficient. Yet, you saved their lives more times than the other way around?" Me and Ishaq laugh.  
  
Maurice slaps him on the back, "I see you been showing 'em what humans are all about!"  
  
He bit off another piece of his Hershey bar, "Yeah! They say my senses are so bad I might as well not even have 'em. Let me quote the words of Pilot, 'You have no special ablities," he changed his voice to do a good impression of the Australian accent, "'You're not particularly smart. Can hardly smell. Can barely see, and you're not vaugely physically or spiritually imposing.' All this, yet I'M the one coming up with all of the plans. I'M the one saving their butts all the time. There's no, 'Thanks for saving me John,' or , 'Where would we be without you John.' I only get, 'That was a terrible plan John,' or, 'Not more frelling human nonsense!' If they're so much smarter than me than they should be able to figure out what I mean!" He's almost yelling now, "Well I'm tired of it!"  
  
What had started out as good dinner going over interesting stories, was switched over to listening about Crichton's exploits. It was fun to go, 'Humans are superior!', for a while, but John was slowly turning bitter. It was obvious to all of us that this man was as tired of the last few years as he so simply, and loudly, put it.  
  
I decide to change the subject. "Chiana and I are getting along," I say as I raise my eyebrows suggestively. Nakoto and Sikozu roll their eyes and get up to leave. I just noticed that the redhead's name actually sounds Japanese, or at least her first name. The rest is too ridiculously long for me to care.  
  
Nakoto looks to Sikozu, "Why don't we leave the boy's to argue over who's gettin' some," she looks back at us, "Or who's isn't."  
  
The redhead gets a puzzled frown on her face, then she laughs when she finally gets the joke. Nakoto waves as they leave the mess hall.  
  
Crichton looks at me, "You haven't actually..."  
  
I shake my head, "No, though I am thinking about taking her up on her offer."  
  
One of Ishaq's eyebrows went up, "Offer?"  
  
Maurice decides to speak up. I can tell that he doesn't like the thought of the two of us together. It can't be jealousy because I've noticed that he and Nakoto have been a little friendly since before we ever took off in the shuttle. I had noticed when they held hands when we first met the aliens. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! You don't know what's goin' on down there man. For all you know, she could have a sword, not a scabbard."  
  
I spit out the sip of 'fellip nectar' that was in my mouth. I had never thought of that.  
  
Ishaq readily agreed with him, "You never know. Even if she is female, you might be trying to use incompatible parts." He, Maurice, and John all chuckle at that one. I didn't find it nearly as funny.  
  
Crichton was still chuckling when he said, "You don't have to worry about that one."  
  
We all look at him with raised eyebrows. He noticed this also because he followed it up with, "Whoa! It's not what you think."  
  
"Then what is it," I ask.  
  
He looked a little uncomfortable before answering, "I sort of walked in on her and D'Argo..."  
  
"D'Argo!" That was all three of us. Who would have thought?  
  
"Yeah," he looked around conspiratorially, "Try not to mention it around either of 'em. They kind of had a bad break up," he told us in a loud whisper. I see a DRD in the corner of my eye, and I give it no thought. They're all over the place.  
  
Ishaq asked, "What happened?" I've been a little suprised by him lately. He's normally quiet and reserved unless someone needs medical attention. Maybe our little trip and meeting aliens brought out the 'motor mouth' in him, well, motor mouth for him.  
  
John looked at all of the entrances of the mess hall. When he saw no one, he leaned over the table and whispered, "You see, most of the time I've known D'Argo he wanted to find his kid. Anyway. When we finally found him on some planet, we brought him aboard with us. To make a long story short, Chiana cheated on him with his own son........ a lot."  
  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Moya and I are deeply disturbed. It seems as though our encounter with Traltixx cut wounds more deeply than we had imagined. It has been almost two cycles since that incident, yet Commander Crichton still seems to be 'holding a grudge'.  
  
Perhaps he is right, though. In fact, I know he is right. If we were really that much smarter than him, we would easily be able to determine the meaning of his 'Crichtonisms'. He has saved Moya and I numerous times, yet it seems that we have not given him the credit that he deserves. I am especially sorry about my own contributions to further the pain inflicted on his pride.  
  
The fact that he is bitter is not what suprises us. His time upon Moya has been turbulent at best. It has changed him from the curious, wide- eyed alien, to the cold and arguably insane being traversing Moya's halls. Just when things seems to quiet down, another tragedy affects the crew.  
  
Though, what does suprise us, is that Commander Crichton would so readily give away information as private as Chiana's and Captain D'Argo's relationship issues. It mattered not if he was speaking to his member species for the first time in cycles or not. He should have never have given away something so private to near strangers. Though we enjoy the company of the humans, if these last two days have been any indication, they as a species, like to talk.  
  
What also disturbs us is Commander Crichton's frequent use of the drug the 'Divine Eternal' gave him. He repeatedly assures us that he doesn't need it, and only administers it to himself to 'take the edge off', but Moya and I think otherwise. Our fear is that he may have become addicted to the substance and is only trying to rationalize his excessive use of it.  
  
I believe it is time to present my fears to a few... choice... members of the crew. "Office Sun," I call into the comms. I recieve no answer in return. "Officer Sun!"  
  
After a few microts there is an answer, "What is it Pilot? Is something wrong?"  
  
"I believe so. Could you please get Captain D'Argo, Chiana, Rygel, and yourself to my den as soon as possible?"  
  
She immediately asks, "What about John?"  
  
"This meeting is concerning him," I answer.  
  
Apparently, that is all of the explanation she requires. She responds immediately, "Of course! I have noticed something as well...."  
  
After one hundred and fifty microts all four of them enter my den. I look up and acknowledge them. They all had the same expectant expression on their faces.  
  
"What is it Pilot? What's wrong with Crichton?" Chiana seemed a little impatient.  
  
I look back down at the readings on my console to ensure everything is in order, then I look back up and give the four of them my undivided attention. "Moya and I are concerned with Commander Crichton's mental stability." By the looks on their faces I can safely assume that they have also given the subject some thought as well.  
  
Aeryn seemed indecisive for a microt then asked, "Are you talkng about that substance he keeps on sniffing?"  
  
I try not to look directly at her. "That actually was not our first concern, but it is being given some thought. What is our first concern, however, is something I, overheard, during the humans 'dinner'." I pause to command a DRD to repair another damaged one.  
  
Captain D'Argo never really was one for patience, "Well... spit it out Pilot!"  
  
"I believe it would just be easier to let you listen to the recording of the 'dinner' conversation yourselves." At that I play the humans conversation. Of course, I leave out their small converation concerning Chiana's...... infidelity issues. The last thing we need is a hyper-raging Luxan about.  
  
"I believe that it is in mutual agreement that this is an issue that must be addressed immediately. Moya, of course, agrees. I also believe that the Commander also has developed a dependancy to the drug Noranti has supplied him." I look around for the crew's reaction. They look as apprehensive Moya and I feel.  
  
After an oppressive silence, Dominar Rygel finally asked, "What is the drug for?"  
  
I involuntarily look at Officer Sun. The rest notice this however, and I nervously answer, "He has been administering the drug to forget the... pain... that he feels when in Officer Sun's presence."  
  
Officer Sun's face transformed into a faraway look. The others looked increasingly nervous.  
  
Before I have a chance to speak again, Chiana twitched her neck and asked, "How do you know? Did he tell you?"  
  
"I heard his and Noranti's conversation over a weeken ago through one of the DRDs. I believe that this problem more easily solved than the other presented, so I think that we should deal with the Commander's drug problem firstly and promptly." The others nod their heads in agreement.  
  
"I also think that the other issue of Commander Crichton's perception of us should be discussed with him present at a later time." I recieve more nods. They all looked uncomfortable as they agree to comfront Commander Crichton during his 'dinner'.  
  
Just as they begin to leave my den, I notice something on my console. "Everyone. It seems that Scorpius is wandering Moya's hallways unattended."  
  
The four of them turn back to me promptly. Captain D'Argo asks, or demands rather, "Where is he!?!"  
  
"Tier thirteen, his walking pattern indicates that he is not headed anywhere in particular."  
  
The Luxan warrior hissed, "That doesn't matter. He shouldn't be roaming the halls with no one to watch him. I'll go down and keep an eye on Scorpius. You guys should go and talk to Crichton. I'm bad at this kind of stuff anyway."  
  
We all readily agree. As they left my den, I kept a watchful eye on Scorpius for D'Argo.  
  
to be continued........ 


End file.
